Mary-Sue
by Alibi Nonsense
Summary: She's rather average, really: plump, a bit spotty, hair like straw... and then she wakes up and finds herself interwoven in the plot of Kuroshitsuji. Urgh! What a mess! And she isn't even a main character!
1. Prologue

What kind of horrible parents would name their daughter Mary-Sue? Mine, that's who. Mary-Sue: a self-inserted nobody. Gee, thank you o loving parents of mine; I shalt worship thee forever more. No, seriously: I love you for calling me this! Even people who _don't_ use the internet realised that this name has been out of the top 100 for the past three-thousand millennia, but who cares? Different is interesting, right? That's what they say. Yeah... interesting. Very interesting. So interesting that I have two older brothers called Nebuchadnezzar and Pinocchio.

I mean, I'm not even the typical Mary-Sue type of character! Hour-glass figure? Pfft. As if. Flowing blonde locks? Huh. Saying my hair is blonde locks is like calling straw the finest silk. Angsty past? Er... well I was pushed over in the playground in year three, but I think that was an accident. Although, with the name thing, I might just fit that category... Who am I kidding? At least my name is _in_ the Baby-Naming manuals... and I don't think the surname Brown is weird enough either (it hasn't even got an 'e' on the end, for goodness sake!). So, no. In fact, the only box I seem to be able to tick is the one that says I woke up in manga-land and have no idea how to get back home. Because, well, I need to be able to tick something.


	2. And then I found myself on a train

Most Mary-Sues manage to land slap-bang in the middle of all the action in sexy leather suits and no bruises whatsoever. Most Mary-Sues waltz right out of a cloud of dramatic smoke (when there hasn't even been a bomb) and purr provocatively at the hotty (who, most of the time, happens to be one of the main characters anyway). Most Mary-Sues manage to actually make themselves look relatively innocent.

I didn't.

"Young lady!? Young lady, *ahem* would you please remove yourself from the driver's carriage of the train?! We are preparing to depart from the station! Thank you!"

For your information, the flag-waving grandpa on the platform wasn't even mentioned in the credits.

When I woke up, after lying, wrapped in my nice, comfortable, warm, snugly, comfortable, warm, very comfortable, extra snugly, specially-bought-with-my-own-money-because-it-was- awesome duvet in my warm, snugly, comfortable, very comfortable, snugly, extra warm and comfortable not-even-four-poster bed, I found myself in the driver's seat of a train. And, if that wasn't awful enough, I happened to be leaning on the loud speaker button: the one that broadcasted the driver's messages to all the people on the train. My snoring could be heard throughout the carriages. Hundreds of people heard the snuffled grunting of a comatose eleven-year-old. Hundreds. And, most likely, I talk in my sleep: it would be just my luck. So, no sexy entrances for me, then.

Leather suit? Yeah right. Who wears them to bed? Thank God I was in my pyjamas and not sleeping in my underwear, or it would've been even more embarrassing.

Innocent? Come on, who falls asleep in the driver's car of a train for no particular reason? Obviously I was going to steal something and make off with it... because that's what little girls in care-bear PJs do, isn't it? Malicious is their thing.

So, anyway, I was evicted from the car and escorted back onto the train station by Mr-with-the-flags who made me wait a whole half hour for him to phone up the police station on a land-line and, after all that (people giving me funny looks, the eye-wateringly sooty train exhaust, the rest of my body arguing with my face about how red it was physically able to turn and why it wouldn't allow it to go any redder) the policeman they assigned to me was already on the train station.

Inspector Aberline. That was when I knew that it wasn't a dream. I mean, I normally have dreams about Sebastian when I dream about Kuroshitsuji at all! Not rookie police officers! I mean, Aberline has a nice face, sure... but it's nicer for older women than eleven-year-old girls, and he's already dead as a doornail in the episode I've reached. I am not a closet necrophiliac, no matter what you think. Plus, he's always been rather too wimpy for my tastes.

Mr-flag-man mumbled something about getting the train going and wandered off in search of the driver, and I just stood in my care-bear pyjamas, in the middle of a crowded train-station, looking a little bit stupid.

"Well hello there, sweetie. What's your name?"

I tried not to scowl at the 'sweetie' part.

"Mary-Sue Brown. Most people call me... uh... Georgette Du Glasse." It wasn't my best acting.

"G-Georgette Du Glasse?"

"Georgette Du Glasse."

"Ah... um... oh. Right. Yes. Georgette Du...hmm, right, yes... are you absolutely sure you're not making this up on the spot?"

Damn, he had me.

"Mary, if you don't co-operate, we can't find your parents, can we? They must be frantic right now. Your mother's probably in tears!"

If my mother was in tears, I would be very surprised. Mainly because, at the time, she was on a cruise ship touring the Mediterranean. Dad might've been in tears... but then, he cries over plastic onions.

"Yeah... um... Mum's at the... morgue..."

Now that I was here, I might as well give myself a proper back-story.

"And Dad...he's... um ...he's the second cousin twice removed of Earl Phantomhive of the Funtom toy company and he sent me to stay with him. Of course, Dad changed his surname from... uh... Phantomhive... when he was ...five... so he isn't a Phantomhive anymore really... but, anyway, his parents disowned him... and...and..." I had run out of lies.

Aberline just stared.

"Phantomhive?"

"Yeah..."

"Mary-Sue Georgette Du Glasse Brown-Phantomhive, cousin of the Queen's Watchdog."

Now I really was starting to sound like a Mary-Sue.

"Um... yep." All I needed now were special powers.

"Give me one moment, Mary... I think I can see your cousin..."

Damn.

Revealing outfit? No. The middle of the action? I don't think so. Cloud of smoke? Yes. It was making my eyes water. And, lo and behold, there was the hotty.

With my fake cousin.

Who was actually taller than me.

By about three inches.

"Well, this is Mary. I hope I can leave her with you, Sebastian... my train just pulled up at platform ten."

With a pat to my straw-bedecked head, Aberline was running off. He hadn't even said goodbye. Earl Phantomhive was giving me the once-over.

"Hmm," was all he said.

"Hi cousin," I said. He eyed me disdainfully.

"I have no third cousins," he said. "I know this for a fact. The family tree on the drawing-room wall goes back several generations and I've memorised most of the bottom section."

"Ah... well, that's where you're wrong. My father was adopted...sort of... I mean, he was illegitimate. Your Grandmother's first child. Although he was... um... the man wasn't human. So he didn't count."

Yeah... I think I broke a record with that one. They were both looking at me strangely now. And you have no idea how awkward it is being scrutinized by a six foot demon in all black.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "An _adopted_ illegitimate child?"

"Sort of... adopted into another family... Like... a family of ...not humans... That's why my surname's Brown..." I paused. "And not Phantomhive..."

Ciel was looking interested. "What type of 'not humans'?"

"Oh, not demons or anything... degenerate monk types. Yeah."

Ok, so the lying had failed.

"Demons?"

"Uh... well..." Sebastian's cocked eyebrow was really starting to get to me.

"...?"

"...hehehe..."

"...?"

"Alright, alright! I'm from the future!"

Yeah... because _that_ sorts _everything_ out.

"The future?"

"Yeah."

"...?"

"Um... we have wheels... and stuff..."

Ciel smirked. "You mean, like those wheels?" He pointed to the locomotive on the platform behind him. There were sixteen wheels on each carriage. All of them were the size of a small child.

Yeah, Mary-Sue... that really worked.

"Uh... I own a wii."

"A wee? You mean, you actually own your own urine? Oh Sebastian! This girl is _definitely_ from the future! Only in the future would people own their own bodily fluids!"

He was still smirking. So was Sebastian. The only difference was, Sebastian was actually making an effort to hide his.

"No... um... that's not what I meant... uh... I'm your great great great grandson! Uh... I mean, granddaughter! Uh... I'll be your wife? No... that doesn't work... Elizabeth's your betrothed... you won't believe-"

"Wait."

"Hmm?"

"You know about Elizabeth?"

"Lizzie, yeah. Your cousin."

Ciel frowned.

"Come with me," he said, sounding more serious than I was comfortable with and I had no choice but to follow him and Sebastian into the train station waiting room. Apparently, we were about to have a 'little chat'.


End file.
